29 Days to a Healthier Relationship Part A

Where is the love?

You’ve tamed the laundry, hit a home run at work, and dished up a family dinner. Forget anything? Oh, right—your partner!

It’s easy to simply co-exist with the person next to you in bed. But a rise in "gray" divorce (couples over 50 calling it quits) suggests that neglecting your relationship is a bad idea.

Isn't it time to add a little love to your to-do list? Try these 29 libido-boosting ideas.

Try something new together

Climbing out of a dating rut can be difficult. But couples who participate in exciting activities get a big boost in relationship satisfaction, according to a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So grab your significant other and get ready for a good—but different—time.

Laugh it up: Crack up at a comedy club with your sweetie.
Get comfy in the kitchen: Take a cooking class (bonus points for learning a foreign cuisine).
Hit the road: Rent a fun car—a Prius, a Volkswagen Beetle, a Smart Car, a Mustang—and go for a mini–road trip.

See more of our favorite new date-night ideas here.

Gossip

It’s tempting—and often prudent—to keep couple conversations behind closed doors, but you may actually benefit from blabbing to a close friend.

“Many couples live very privately and discuss these issues with the shades down, but relationship issues like this can often benefit from hearing how people that you trust dealt with a similar situation," says Ken Robbins, MD, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Wisconsin–Madison.

Whether it’s hearing how a friend dealt with her husband’s infidelity or other big hurdles, a little empathy can put things in perspective.

Tweak your diet

Eat up! Almonds, avocados, and arugula can boost your sex drive and improve fertility.

Be open about your spending

Nearly 40% of married people admit to lying to their spouse about a purchase, according to a 2004 poll, and money is the number-one reason couples fight.

Don’t fret if you’re a spendthrift and your partner pinches pennies. “It’s probably not a good thing to have the exact same philosophy about money,” says Dr. Robbins. You don't have to be a financial martyr, but don't hide your spending habits, either.

Slip on something red

Research shows that men find women who wear red sexier than those who wear “cool” colors such as blue and green. Any doubts as to what you should wear for date night?

Assess your sex drive

If you're not interested in sex—but you would like to be —there might be a medical explanation.

Reduced blood flow: Diabetes and high blood pressure are among the health problems that can restrict genital blood flow.
Hormonal issues: Menopause, breast-feeding, birth control pills, and thyroid problems can dampen sexual desire.
Medication side effects: Antidepressants and chemotherapy agents such as tamoxifen are frequently to blame.

Make an appointment with your primary care doctor if you've noticed an unwanted decrease in your libido.

Hit the gym

If you want to be "hot-blooded," then improve your circulation. Physical fitness can increase blood flow, which in theory can make sex more pleasurable, since sexual arousal for both men and women involves increased blood flow to the genital area. And that can increase desire itself—if it feels great, you tend to want to do it more.

Make your bedroom tech-free

We hear it over and over again: The bed should be used for sex and sleep only. But still our beds are cluttered with laptops, Blackberries, and Netflix rentals. How can you cuddle up to your partner when you're stuck in extension cords?

This month, try clearing all your gadgets from your bedroom and explore each other instead of the Internet.

Help your partner quit smoking

Erectile dysfunction, a yellow grin and loads of wrinkles, stained wallpaper, increased risk of balding—can you name one good reason why you shouldn't help your partner quit?

Of course quitting isn't easy, but smokers who have support are more likely not to light up. Recognize and congratulate small milestones, and realize that your partner may be crankier than usual. Sometimes the best thing you can be is a sounding board, or even an emotional punching bag, for whenever a bad craving strikes.

Keep things hot when you're apart

Sure, it sounds a little intimidating at first, but phone sex is a great way for couples to bond when one of you is on the road.

First, dim the lights and slip into something sexy. Start by telling your husband what you’re wearing, where you are, etc. Talk about the last time you had sex or what you would be doing to him if you were home. If the goal is an orgasm, describe what you’re doing to yourself, and ask him to do the same. Just relax and have fun!

Turn up the heat

Dig into a dish made with chiles—they contain capsaicin, a substance that stimulates nerve endings, triggers the release of endorphins, and ramps up heart rate. Next date night, try these chile-infused Salmon and Scallop Skewers.

Give your bedroom routine a boost

Think of ways to pique his interest outside the bedroom. Next time you take a shower, wear just the towel around for a while. Titillation will spur him to be more spontaneous.

To explore new territory, write down your fantasies and put them in a “fantasy jar.” Then take turns picking out of the jar and act out the fantasies. This can build intimacy, trust, and great sex.

Embrace the quickie

Few of us can afford the luxury of leisurely sex, says Jennifer Berman, MD, the director of the Berman Women’s Wellness Center and author of For Women Only. And holding out for the perfect moment can lead to infrequent sex. The solution? Embrace the quickie.

For extra excitement, break out of the bedroom: Five-minute romps are perfect for unusual locations, even if that just means your shower or sofa.

Eat an elegant meal—for less!

Need a little extra something to put the sizzle back into your Valentine’s Day? Skip the overcrowded, overpriced restaurants and cook something special for your partner. Or, for extra relationship points, start chopping away together.
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